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THE DOUBLE D AVENGER
Joe Bob Briggs Presents

Review by Michael Jacobson

Stars:  Kitten Natividad, Haji, Mimma Mariucci, Sheri Dawn Thomas, Raven de la Croix
Director:  William Winckler
Audio:  Mono
Video:  Full Frame 1.33:1
Studio:  Elite Entertainment
Features:  Joe Bob Briggs Commentary, Making-Of Featurette, Trailers, Photo Gallery
Length:  77 Minutes
Release Date:  April 27, 2004

“Call 911!”

“I don’t know the number!”

Film ½* (with Briggs’ commentary ***)

Gotta hand it to Joe Bob Briggs…not only is he the world’s most prolific drive-in critic and B movie buff, but he’s a walking Roget’s thesaurus when it comes to terms for women’s breasts.  I completely lost count during his commentary for The Double D Avenger, but I don’t think he ever repeated himself once during the 77 minutes.  My favorite?  “Australian Rules Footballs”.

But getting back to the movie, which I don’t relish doing…The Double D Avenger is a kind of half-assed exploitation flick that reunites three of Russ Myer’s bodacious babes for mayhem and hijinks.  Trouble is, writer/producer/director William Winckler seemed to have forgotten that these ladies were Myer girls a long, long time ago.  Not that they look bad, mind you, but they do seem a bit old to be running around playing superheroes and villains.  It’s almost as disturbing as the third Porky’s movie where the supposed high school students had love handles and receding hairlines.

It was shot on video for God knows how little money.  It looks like some home movie made by a video store geek with his friends, if his friends happened to be one time stripper starlets.  The problem isn’t that it’s cheesy (big surprise there, huh?), but that it knows it’s cheesy.  It lacks the charm of movies made by directors who really did the best they could but failed.  Winckler seemed to want to make a bad movie, and he succeeded.  What praise does that merit?

The plot, such as it is, involves a British pub owner (Natividad), who…get this…gets diagnosed with terminal breast cancer in the first stretch.  Nice.  But she travels to South America to find a cure in the form of a plant whose name I’d rather not print here.  It not only saves her life, but gives her superhuman strength.

In the meantime, three big boned baddies from a local strip club (Haji, Mariucci, Thomas) come after her because, we are told, her pub is taking business away from their nightspot.  They kill her goofball boyfriend of sorts, and she vows revenge by becoming…what else?  The Double D Avenger.

For a movie that emphasizes the female anatomy, there is actually no flesh bared in the film (apart from a ridiculous dream sequences that show posters of Natividad when she was MUCH younger).  Kind of a bait and switch, if you ask me…I’m not a lecher, but I sure as hell didn’t pop this disc in for the storyline.

This disc is the latest in Elite’s series of Joe Bob Briggs Presents DVDs, and as usual, Mr. Briggs’ commentary track is the real entertainment value.  His humor and wealth of staggeringly useless knowledge not only enlightens and tickles the funny bone, but lets you turn off the God awful dialogue (I could actually FEEL myself getting stupider listening to it).

Briggs makes the experience worthwhile…otherwise, the only benefit would be that you could someday tell your friends about the night you saw one of the worst movies ever made…maybe while describing the inexplicable German chicken dance sequence for good measure.

Video **

As I said, this was shot on tape, so don’t expect any miracles from the transfer.  It looks like a decent home video; no worse, no better.

Audio **

The audio isn’t specified, but I’m guessing 2 channel mono…again, nothing spectacular.

Features ***

The real treat is, of course, the aforementioned commentary track from Briggs, but Elite put a few other goodies on the disc as well.  There is a making-of featurette for those of you who just can’t get enough, a couple of trailers, and a photo gallery.  Briggs’ voice is also prevalent on the menu screens.

Summary:

I guess Joe Bob said it best:  this COULD have been the Citizen Kane of boob movies.  Too bad Winckler didn’t have the talent to make a better film or at least the courage to make the kind of bad one we really wanted to see.  Where’s Andy Sidaris when we need him most?  Pick this one up for the commentary only.