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THE LAST AMERICAN VIRGIN

Review by Chastity Campbell

Stars: Lawrence Monoson, Diane Franklin, Steve Antin, Joe Rubbo, Louisa Moritz
Director: Boaz Davidson
Audio: Dolby Digital Stereo
Video: 1.85:1 Anamorphic Widescreen & 1.33:1 Standard Full Screen
Studio: MGM
Features: See Review
Length: 93 Minutes
Release Date: August 5, 2003

“You’ve got crabs!”

Film ***

Do you remember your first time?  I do, it was not that long ago, actually.  Afterwards, I couldn’t believe what I had done, and yet there I was, basking in the afterglow of purchasing my very first DVD.  Hey, don’t yell at me, I was just trying to get you into the correct frame of dirty mindedness in order to fully appreciate my review for this movie!    

The Last American Virgin is easy to describe and hard to classify in my book.  It’s a satirical look at three young men who want nothing more than to have sex…a lot of sex!   The 1980s were good for something, or so I’ve been told, and I guess it’s truly apparent as you watch the stumbles and tumbles of three teenagers as they travel along the path to lust.

Let’s start off with Gary, shall we?  Gary is a Pink Pizza delivery boy with girls on the brain, and buddies who share his one-track mind. Rick is the silver tongued, slick willy who always has a line on who’s hot, who’s hotter and who’s the easiest.   David is the chubby buddy with a big wallet, and a large appetite for the opposite sex.   Put these three guys together and you have the nightmare envisioned by every teenage girl’s father.  

As if you haven’t guessed it already, these three guys have one mission in life, and that mission is to have as much sex as they possible can.  They are picky…well, some of them are, but Rick’s smooth talking convinces them that even Godzilla’s sisters are worth taking, for score value alone, of course!  

Gary finds the girl of his dreams, however, slick Rick beats him to the punch and Gary is left holding the bag.  No, not a bag literally, just Karen’s best friend who wants Gary as bad as he wants Karen. 

Problems arise and Gary takes a stand, but will his efforts be in vain?   Will Rick ever realize that women are not just toys to play with?  Will David ever cash in all the I.O.U’s the guys owe him?

This film went in way too many directions.   Between the gross, degenerate behavior and the after school special style drama I didn’t know whether to laugh, cry, or call the juvenile authorities.  The 80s were a time of selfish overindulgence that mainstream movie industry execs latched onto and ran with.  With that in mind, you can chalk this movie up to just another teeny bopper drop in the bucket!

The only part of this movie that I had a real problem grasping was last half hour or so.  If your going to make a goofball movie about locker room penis betting, crabs that just won’t die, or accidentally hitting the emergency break release as you round 3rd base, and having the car roll down a hill into the ocean, don’t try to add seriousness because it will totally get lost.  

I think if you broke this movie into two parts and continue the silly storyline and then wrote a new story around the ending of the movie then you would have had two pretty decent films.   The scripting was strong for both situations, but I think it missed the mark with the complete, one hundred and eighty degree turn at the end.

This was my “first time” with The Last American Virgin, and it satisfied my curiosity.   Nothing really special about it, but those out there who are dedicated to the cult following of 80s movies will definitely want to test drive this disc.

Video ***

This movie transferred to the digital realm quite nicely.   The 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen transfer was virtually free from dirt and grain.  A little hazing around the edges is noticeable at times, but does not detract from the over all quality.  

Flip the disc over and you get a 1.33:1 standard full screen transfer that is pretty nice as well.  

The tones and colors were used to good effect, without any bleeding or distortion.

Audio**

First let me say the soundtrack on this disc was phenomenal.  I mean the way the director used music to punctuate feelings and emotions was hilarious and at the same time perfect for the scene. 

You only get a Dolby Digital Stereo mix with this disc but the over all balance was nice throughout.   You can definitely tell when the dialogue was looped in after reshoots but other than that, I didn’t notice any of the problems with this disc that some other 80s releases suffer from, like audio levels bouncing around, or sounding tinny. 

Features *

This Virgin was ill equipped in the features area.  

The original movie trailer is included, and you have the option of  English, French, and Spanish language subtitles.

Summary:

This was my first experience watching The Last American Virgin.   I can never again recreate my first experience, however, I will carry the memories and images of this DVD with me forever.  Pick up a copy today and ride this early 80s train through one of its more memorable stations.