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MY BLOODY VALENTINE: 3D
Blu-ray Edition

Review by Gordon Justesen

Stars: Jensen Ackles, Jaime King, Kerr Smith, Kevin Tighe, Tom Atkins
Director: Patrick Lussier
Audio: DTS HD 7.1
Video: Anamorphic Widescreen 1.85:1
Studio: Lions Gate
Features: See Review
Length: 101 Minutes
Release Date: May 19, 2009

“Happy F*cking Valentine’s Day!”

Film *** (On the 3D/Guilty Pleasure Scale)

Two things seem to be driving the movie industry these days; remakes and 3D. Much to my surprise, My Bloody Valentine is a success in both realms. Even without the 3D advantage, the movie still has the advantage of being one of the most trashy and disgusting horror movies to surface in quite some time.

But then again, the 3D factor is the selling point here, and under no circumstances should you experience the movie in any other way. I say this for two reasons; the first being that it’s used so incredibly well, making this the absolute best 3D horror movie in existence (this is way beyond anything displayed in Friday the 13th Part 3). The second reason is that the regular 2D version, which I glanced at briefly just to get a sense of any major differences, looks quite horrid. If you must see it this way, just watch the original.

The bottom line is this; if there was any horror movie from the 80s that was deserving of being remade into a memorable 3D experience, My Bloody Valentine is very much that movie. I’ve seen the original 1981 Canadian slasher flick before, and it’s actually one of the better movies to emerge from the slasher genre. Since it’s not that well known amongst audiences outside of hardcore horror movie enthusiasts, the idea of a 3D remake is not bad at all.

Though I had to drive an hour away from home in order to get the 3D effect, it was so incredibly worth it! The amazing 3D effects combined with the pure insanity of the movie’s trashiness made for a most memorable time at the movies. 3D is making a monstrous comeback, and though I might not get to see every movie to grace this theatrical, I will definitely be taking advantage of any and all horror releases.

As for the movie’s plot, which should be a typical killer on the loose scenario, it’s actually made way more complex than it needs to be, though something tells me it was written like this on purpose as a way of adding to the ridiculousness. We learn years ago, in the small mining town of Harmony, that an accident occurred in a mining cave. It left four miners dead and the only survivor, Harry Warden, in a coma.

Eventually, the local papers come to suspect Harry of going insane and killing the miners. After all, the conditions of the miners’ corpses happen to support such a theory. And after awaking from his coma, Harry flees the hospital and vanishes into thin air.

Several months later, on Valentine’s Day, a group of high school seniors are having a party at the very same mine where the murders occurred. Sure enough, Harry Warden pops up in the cave, complete with his miner’s mask and deadly pickax. After sticking it to a couple unlucky teens (let that one sink in for a minute), several others manage to escape the mine safely.

Now cut to ten years later (the movie is clearly having too much fun with the leaps in time). The town of Harmony is about to endure another Valentine’s Day. And since it’s been ten years since the “Valentine’s Day Massacre”, there is speculation.

The story also picks up with the survivors of the last attack. Tom Hanniger (Jensen Ackles), son of the mine boss, has returned to town after being away for ten years. The reason for his leaving had a lot to do with speculation that Tom, who worked in the mine alongside Harry Warden, may have somehow been tied to the murders. But he has returned to Harmony to sell the mine and leave once again.

Meanwhile, the two other survivors of the attack, Sarah (Jaime King) and Axel (Kerr Smith), are now married and have a child. It’s actually an interesting story development considering Sarah was Tom’s girlfriend ten years ago. Axel also happens to be the town sheriff, which itself is another interesting character progression.

But I’m getting too far ahead of myself with the plot details. All that’s important here is the fact that Harry Warden does indeed pop up with his pickax and starts going to town on countless victims, all before cutting out their hearts (I completely forgot to mention what his signature killing technique was). In addition to being a bloody horror flick, My Bloody Valentine also happens to be an educational film on the various ways one could use a pickax to kill someone. I know I learned a few good tips!

There are several moments in the movie I absolutely cannot ignore mentioning. Fans of full frontal female nudity will be delighted to know that there’s a key scene where a hot blonde has aggressive sex in a motel room, only to be chased down by you know who moments after. This adds up to a grand total of 5 minutes of 3D nudity!

We also get a scene literally minutes later where the owner of the motel, who happens to be a dwarf-sized woman, gets not only a pickax through the face, but is then lifted by the killer into a set of fluorescent ceiling lights and electrocuted. So basically this movie gave me two things I wanted to see in life before I die; female full frontal nudity in 3D and a gruesome killing of a midget.

To top it all off, the movie incorporates a twist ending (one completely different from the original’s ending) that could’ve only been thought of by a seriously deranged human being. And yet, I got a huge kick out of it! After all, such an ending could only be fitting in a movie so completely whacked out of its mind, which this certainly is.

In case this review, which is way longer than it deserves to be, hasn’t conveyed it yet, My Bloody Valentine 3D is a movie for all horror fans to rock out and have a blast with. The acting for the most part is corny, as clearly intended, though I could watch the gorgeous Jaime King do just about anything. All that’s necessary for a movie like this to succeed is to have large quantities of blood, gore and nudity…all in glorious over the top 3D. If Oscars were given out for such an accomplishment, this would deservingly get a lifetime achievement award.

Video ****

I’ve only seen two 3D movies in a home theater setting, but this marks the first Blu-ray 3D presentation I’ve seen…and it’s frickin’ spectacular! True, the retro glasses are a bit corny and do irritate ears from time to time (at least for me), but I can truly say that the 3D quality of this Lions Gate Blu-ray is just as amazing as seeing it on the big screen! Needless to say, you will find yourself dodging pickax swings, among other things, as the 1080p astounds in how it brings the 3D effects to vivid life. As for basic picture qualities, it shouldn’t surprise anyone…all are in terrific quality.

Audio ****

The only sound mix to appropriate go with a 3D extravaganza is a 7.1 DTS HD mix, something to always look forward to in a Lions Gate release. And just as your eyes will marvel at the glorious 3D spectacle, your ears will get a serious good working from this most spectacular lossless audio mix. Loud music cues, blood splatter, pickax impalings, loud shouting…every possible resource is given the extreme treatment here!

Features ***

First off, the Blu-ray comes complete with 4 sets of 3D glasses. You also have the option to watch either the 3D or 2D version of the movie (do we really need to check out the latter?). As for extras, there’s a commentary with director Patrick Lussier and co-writer Todd Farmer. We also get two featurettes; “Deep Inside My Bloody Valentine” and “Sex, Blood and Screams”, as well as Deleted and Extended Scenes, a Gag reel, an Alternate Ending and the BD Live features MoLog and Lionsgate Live.

Summary:

The Blu-ray release of My Bloody Valentine 3D has officially convinced me that 3D definitely has a future on the format. And the movie itself is a pure trashy guilty pleasure of a fun time, with a whole hell of a lot of depravity to go around!

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